am I good enough for people around me?
for my family, my sister, my brother, my father, my mother. am I good enough for them?
last week my sister was moving. I didn’t help her at all with study as my excuse, and since she didn’t ask me for it. I wasn’t lying, I was really studying at that time for midtest. but even though that, I knew I still can help her then continue study. but I didn’t do it. I let my sister did it by her own. my mom called me and asked me to help her, but I neglected her and continue my study.
she is very kind to me. I wasn’t close to her but she tried to be my friend and she did it. she always lend me money when I need it. she even often treat me some food, we have dinner together outside then went home after that. she made me a wallet, it’s not really good but I like it. I always use it until my mom bought me a new one, the same design as my sister and my mother.
I wasn’t really close with my brother. but last time I went home I tried to be closer with him, I thought it’s not our age anymore to hate each other. It’s going very well I thought, since we didn’t yell to each other anymore, fought, sometime he made some jokes and I laughed at it.
he had a headphone. I brought it when I got back to Depok without telling him, because I thought he didn’t need it since he didn’t have laptop. but I was wrong, he asked me about it and he told me that it wasn’t belong to him, and then he angry to me. I remember his message:
“da (uda, means brother in Padang) ichal memang kakak malik, tapi bukan berarti da ichal bisa seenaknya”
I was really shocked reading that, I never thought he would be that mean to say it. but he was right. he is younger than me, but his thought is more mature than mine. I’m still like a child compared with him.
my mother. she was in Bekasi for long time, and I often visited her every weekend. one day I talked with her and my aunt. and my mom said these words to my aunt:
“ichal sih ingat mamanya cuma di awal bulan aja. langsung sms nanyain udah ditransfer belum uangnya. kalo ga udah deh lupa sama mamanya”
I didn’t know how to answer her, I just laughed. she was right. I never call her, message her and tell her how am I going in Depok. am I in good shape, how is my score in tests, I never tell her. how is she in home, is she feeling alone there, I never ASK her. I just remember her when I need something. and I was sad to realize that.
now I must message her every morning. she wants me to wake up early and pray subuh at mosque. to ensure her that I’m awake, I have to message her every morning at 4 am. so every morning I send her message “ma ichal sudah bangun” and then she will reply “alhamdulillah segera ke masjid.” it was simple talk but she said that at least we communicate everyday, to pay my carelessness to her before.
my father is a very lonely guy, that’s what I think. he is separated with his family for more than 6 months, working in order to fulfill his family needs. he can meet the person he loves (his mom, his brothers and sisters, his wife, his sons, and his daughter) but just for a while, about one month in a year then he must go back to his work.
I don’t know how’s his life. I don’t know why he could be that strong to live far from his family for a long time. what I know is he will bring many gift when he comes to home, and I like it.
when he is at home, he is alone too. my mom is his only friend. I, my sister, my brother, never have a really close and interesting conversation with him. it’s just around “pa pergi ya? pa ichal boleh ini ga? pa minta uang dong buat beli bensin.”
but my father never ask for it. I think, for him as long as this family going well, no crack in it, it’s enough for him. he can (or try to) accept that his children don’t have a close relationship with him. he realize that with him never be around his children will make his children don’t know him well.
for my friends, am I good enough for them?
I have many friends, but I feel I never do any good for them. most of the time I lay myself to them. I don’t have to describe good things they have done to me but I’m really stick to my friends. I’m nothing without them. people know me because they know my friends. I can stand alone but I will be no one. but unlike me, without me I know they can be known by people.
it’s my bad habit that after I leave my friends, I will start to lose contact with them. I’m too excited with my new environment. it’s make my memory with them will slowly fade. then I will feel like I don’t know them at all. when I come back to them, I will have to start building relationship again with them, like a newly met friends, and it’s hard for me to must know my friends once again. I’m so sorry, but that’s the fact.
so I will copy my friend’s words. and it will be the end of this post:
i’m sorry.
and i’m thanking you who stay, however far the distance. however lack of communication we’re having thru the distance.
thanks for reading this post :)
